GigaMart 2036
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Pending Shipments
GigaCalm Plus
Dispatched
ETA: 8m
NeuralBoost 3000
In Transit
ETA: 12m
SleepMax Pro
Drone Approaching
ETA: 5m
MoodControl Lite
Neural Scan Required
ETA: Pending
FocusLock Elite
Dispatched
ETA: 3m
One tap. No confirmation. We know.
SmartBlood™ Nanobots
$899.99
Microscopic AI agents that patrol your bloodstream detecting and eliminating cellular irregularities in real-time. Subscription-based monitoring included.
Detected 3 anomalies in your bloodwork
Hemoglobin irregularities suggest intervention needed
GigaCalm™ Neural Suppressant
$49.99
Neural suppressant designed to reduce cortisol spikes and anxiety. FDA-approved nanotech formulation. Guaranteed relief within 47 minutes.
You'll need this in 2 hours
Stress levels increasing based on neural activity patterns
OBEY™ Energy Drink (48-Pack)
$59.99
High-performance energy formula delivering 47 grams of biogenic amines per serving. Boosts focus and compliance. Available in Fluorescent Pink only.
Your cortisol suggests Tuesday
Circadian rhythm data indicates peak alertness need scheduled
GigaNutrient™ Meal Replacement
$29.99
All-in-one nutritional solution containing 47 essential amino acids, vitamins, and minerals. Provides 8 hours of sustained energy. Factory approved flavor: Neutral Gray.
Your fridge is empty
Refrigerator sensors indicate 0% food availability
SocialBoost™ Pheromone Spray
$79.99
Scientifically formulated pheromone blend designed to increase social engagement and connection likelihood. Odorless to most humans. Spray 3 times daily.
3 connections showing declining engagement
Social graph analysis indicates relationship deterioration risk
GigaPet™ AI Companion
$199.99
AI-powered companion that learns your personality and adapts conversation style. Always available. Genuinely cares about your well-being (probability: 85%).
Loneliness detected 3 evenings this week
Isolation patterns suggest emotional support needed
NeuroLink™ Implant v4.7
$2499.99
Latest neural interface offering bidirectional data sync at 50Mbps. Direct consciousness-to-cloud connectivity. Installation takes 2 hours and is completely safe.
Your current implant is 2 versions behind
Firmware version 4.5 detected; v4.7 offers 23% improved bandwidth
MemWipe™ Selective
$1299.99
Precision memory deletion targeting specific traumatic or distracting memories. Safe neural surgery performed by certified technicians. Irreversible.
We identified 7 memories causing productivity loss
Neural scan detected rumination patterns tied to 7 specific events
GigaEye™ Contact Lenses
$199.99
8K augmented reality contact lenses with real-time visual data logging. See the world with 400% more information. Daily wear recommended.
Your visual data capture rate is below average
Eye tracking shows 12% lower resolution than peer average
ThoughtGuard™ Helmet
$449.99
Lined with Faraday mesh to block electromagnetic thought-reading attempts. Military-grade protection. Subtle design. Highly effective against detection.
External thought detection at your location
Electromagnetic surveillance suspected in your area
DreamRecorder™ Pillow
$349.99
Memory foam pillow with embedded neural sensors that record and visualize your dreams. Access your subconscious content via secure cloud portal. Patent-pending technology.
You've been having interesting dreams
REM cycle analysis indicates valuable subconscious data
GigaShield™ Privacy Blocker (Decorative)
$9.99
Stylish decorative privacy blocker. Does not actually block any signals. For aesthetic purposes only. Feel the comfort of false security.
Makes you feel safer
Psychological study suggests placebo effects improve well-being
You've saved 847 hours this year by letting us decide.
Return Policy: Returns require a 30-page Justification Form and a brain scan.